The Oscars are dumb. I was thinking of writing a longer blurb about how dumb they are but I don't want to beat a dead horse. This year's selection is interesting as I either really love or really dislike the nominees, there aren't many that I am just indifferent about. So here, enjoy this thorough roast of various Best Picture nominees and endless gushing about others.
Belfast
Bad. Manipulative. Uninspired. Trite. Kenneth Branagh is not a filmmaker I am fond of at all and he is not swaying me here either. Belfast feels like a new age of Oscar bait where instead of adapting heartbreaking real-life stories we are now fictionalizing the filmmaker's childhood so that he can say "this is my most personal film yet" in interviews.
Every artistic choice made in Belfast feels obvious and false; from the black and white cinematography to the jazzy score that does not fit at all, everything feels like it was plucked out of a hat labeled "artistic film" but with a script that is textbook Hollywood melodrama. The selective use of colour, such as how the films the characters see at the cinema being in colour to symbolize how vibrant they seem to the main character, are choices I would have made in high school and thought they were the most clever thing in the world.
There is nothing artful about the actual bones of Belfast; the story is so predictable and poorly paced; this movie felt like it was 3 hours long despite being only 90 minutes. The dialogue is all clichéd and does not characterize anyone beyond the basic "this is the mom character who worries a lot, this is the dad character that also worries a lot, this is the comedic relief grandpa that older viewers will relate to" so on and so forth. There is absolutely no character, no compelling drama or humour, nothing to gain from the experience of watching this.
Rating: 2/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 5/5
Will it win? : Very likely
The Power of the Dog
There is always one of these prestige book adaptations at the Oscars and I'm very glad to report that this year's contender is very strong. It is easy to see why this film raked in so many nominations, it is strong in every aspect.
The filmmaking is remarkably confident, the editing somehow makes this slow-burn drama fly by like it's a thriller, and the performances are excellent, nuanced, and layered all around. A brief shoutout to the score by the ever-talented Jonny Greenwood as well which is excellent as always and gives this movie a certain Paul Thomas Anderson vibe that I am fond of.
The storytelling is so strong here, you get such a clear and concise view of events and each of the film's central characters gets their section and time to shine. The story may seem a bit elusive at first as aspects of it are never clearly explained to the viewer, but there are more than enough little clues and subtleties to pick up on and take this film from a good experience to a great one.
My only gripe with this is the oddly flat, digital look and no I do not mean the cinematography which is excellent but mainly the texture and colour grading of the image. This is mostly just a personal issue as I prefer films with harsher lighting and shot on film as opposed to digital, but this was far from a determining factor in my enjoyment of the film. I will not be upset if this wins. Great stuff.
Rating: 4.5/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 1/5
Will it win? : Yeah probably
Dune
This adaptation of the legendarily un-adaptable Dune was highly anticipated and somehow over-delivered. It is a breathtaking sensory experience and if every voter in the Academy was forced to sit down and watch it in IMAX it would sweep every category. I loved everything about this; the book is notoriously difficult to film and, after having read it, I can totally see why. Villeneuve (how was he not nominated for Best Director?) is very smart with the creative choices he makes and this movie is ultra streamlined, action-heavy, immersive, and yet never sacrifices the intelligence of the source material.
Every action scene absolutely pops and puts every other major Hollywood blockbuster to shame. Even the sparring scene between Paul and Gurney is a better fight scene than anything in any blockbuster currently out. The way the special effects blend into the sets, the art design, ugh I can just go on and on and on with this movie. The sound effects I can still clearly hear in my head every time I think of this and the way the score bleeds into them is just wonderful. Even subtle noises, such as the Baron's spine flight device activating, are so unique and memorable and the theatre experience just makes it unforgettable.
This will never win Best Picture (part two maybe?) but I am confident it will sweep every other category as it is one of the most, for lack of a better word, marvelous cinematic achievements I've ever seen on the big screen and probably the best theatre experience I've ever had. I am so happy I was wrong about this movie flopping and that people loved both Villeneuve's incredible vision and the story that accompanies it. The fact that it is only a part one has not bothered me once the entire runtime unless you count the fact that I was upset when it ended because I could have watched another two and a half hours of it. Commence the era of the intelligent blockbuster!
Rating: 5/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 0/5
Will it win? : Absolutely not
West Side Story
I was actually looking forward to this quite a lot; unfortunately, it fell so short in so many areas and the experience was one of the dullest I've had watching anything all year. Firstly, and this is mainly what ruined it for me, the dialogue is horrible. Everyone talks like they're in a movie that takes place in the 2020s and not the 50s. With the exception of Riff, who is a standout actor in this and also the only one who understands what movie he's in, everyone performs as if it is a high school production of a modern-day play.
It is hard to describe why the dialogue is so horrible but it really does read like an amateur wrote it, every line is just obvious and poorly paced and goes for way too much realism than what this type of story demands. The only way this absolutely ridiculous story can work is if they really leaned into the time period and emulated movies and plays from that time instead of trying to modernize the hell out of it, it's just jarring and dull this way. Ariana DeBose and the aforementioned Mike Faist are serious highlights and make the most out of the material, I hope they go off to have illustrious film careers and I want to see them in more films, but the rest of the cast does little to stand out. Ansel Elgort is borderline terrible, and I'm not just saying that in wake of his recent allegations.
The second big issue I had is that this movie is rather unremarkable from a technical perspective. It is up for the cinematography Oscar and the only reason I can think as to why is that the voters watched the teaser trailer and went off that. That trailer houses every single memorable shot in the film. The rest of the scenes are framed and shot in a basic, visually dull way and nothing pops like it should, again going for that murky realism angle that does not work for this story at all. There are some efforts made to make the lighting look like an older film but they largely fall flat due to the shot composition.
I like Steven Spielberg! His movies are usually cookie-cutter but still well-made and compelling. This is simply not one of his better efforts. He has sapped all the life from this material and I was not a fan of this at all. Watch In The Heights if you want a contemporary, Latin-fueled musical that actually works well as a film.
Rating: 1.5/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 4/5
Will it win? : Maybe, probably not
Nightmare Alley
Hey, back to a movie I actually really enjoyed! Ironically enough, Del Toro's Best Picture winner is probably my least favourite film from him. The Shape of Water just never clicked for me. I thought the story was cheesy and superficial, the characters were one-dimensional, and the Russian accents and speaking just killed me entirely. The central romance did not work for me whatsoever, they never established that the fish creature has the mental capacity of a human and it just felt very icky to me.
Nightmare Alley, on the other hand, takes Del Toro's best qualities and wraps them in a gripping, slow-burning story that is engaging from beginning to end. Every performance is excellent, the characters are sufficiently layered, and the sets and costumes are gorgeous. The ending of the film is satisfying and one of my favourites of the year. This is just a supremely well-told story and I also happen to enjoy this specific kind of story; the rise and fall of a morally dubious man. I do wish it was shot on film as it does a lot to imitate the style of films from the time period it takes place in but good effort nonetheless.
There are no monsters here, unfortunately, but Del Toro proves that he does not need them to tell a compelling story and flex his filmmaking muscle. This film is quite good but I cannot say it left me with any strong feelings other than the general "that was good" so probably don't rush out to see it but if you do it's a solid time.
Rating: 3.5/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 1.5/5
Will it win? : Probably not
Drive My Car
Let me preface this by saying that I love long, slow-burn films where seemingly not much happens. The works of Lee Chang-dong are some of my favourite films of all time and this film heavily mimics them but with a more literary spin.
I thought this was one of the dullest movies of 2021. Nothing about it, in all three hours, grabbed me. Every character and performance was so robotic and this film showcases the type of art film I despise well; nobody talks or behaves like a real person, there are long shots of absolutely nothing, the story could have been told in an hour instead of three, etc. It seems like nobody shares my opinion regarding this film, but this is what I would imagine a Lee Chang-dong film would be like with all the life and soul sucked out of it.
I experienced no emotions watching this and I was so ready to be finished with it, it actually took me a couple of weeks to get through the whole thing. I just found nothing compelling about it and I do not even think the literary significance is that strong here; there is a point at the end of the film where the two main characters just explain the underlying themes and messages to each other as if they were complicated enough for the audience to need an explanation. The themes and story here are so bare-bones and basic that I struggle to even understand why it has that ridiculous running time and until I sat down to write this I forgot I ever saw it.
Rating: 2/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 4/5
Will it win? : It's foreign and not Parasite, probably not
Licorice Pizza
I think the initial high of seeing a new Paul Thomas Anderson film in a theatre got the best of me when this was released but this is still an excellent film and a wonderful showcase for my favourite filmmaker's more playful side.
To quickly address the elephant in the room, I do not believe that this film portrays its subject matter in an insensitive way. There is a lot of care given to portraying Gary and Alana's relationship in an earnest and un-creepy way; they are simply people lost within time that find solace in one another and are more like weird friends than direct lovers. They fill the void in each other's lives; Gary feels like he is too mature for his young age and Alana is lost and child-like in her mid-20s.
This film is essentially a series of vignettes from their lives and how they drift in and out of their strange relationship and it is all so much fun; PTA has always had an incredibly honed and subtle sense of humour and it comes through here. There are countless fantastic scenes, the standout involving Bradley Cooper and a massive truck that I will not spoil. The performances are all-around excellent and showcase the director's skill as the leads are both first-time actors.
Go see it, it is so much fun and I hope it wins at least something.
Rating: 4.5/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 0/5
Will it win? : Yeah no
Don't Look Up
Rating: 1/5
How upset I'll be if it wins: 5/5
Will it win? : You know what? Yes
I have no plans on watching King Richard or CODA, they look like the most cookie-cutter Oscar movies ever made and I have zero interest in that.
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